How To Show Gay Couples You Are A Safe Space: Dear Devlin
DEAR DEVLIN
Inclusion isn’t a hashtag, it’s a habit – it shows up in your language, your marketing and who you choose to amplify.
Dear Devlin,
I’ve recently photographed my first Gay wedding and a brand shoot for someone who told me she was queer. I absolutely loved both shoots and I want to let clients know that I’m a safe space. I’m a cis straight woman and I’m not entirely sure what current words/terms to use that are the most respectful and inclusive, that people might use to search for a photographer that they will be comfortable working with. Please can you help me? Thank you!
Anxious Ally
“Even Just Having Space On Your Contact Form For Pronouns Can Send A Very Positive Message.”
Dear Anxious Ally,
First of all, thank you for asking this question, and for asking it here. Only a few weeks ago this industry was talking about a photographer who publicly refused to work with a queer couple, and it was grim reading. The more we talk about this stuff openly and without prejudice, the better it gets for everyone involved. So genuinely, well done for putting your hand up.
I do want to gently separate two things for you though. Being open-minded is a starting point, not a destination. Loving those two shoots is lovely to hear, but actively telling clients you’re a safe space, and then backing that up in how you write, market and run your business, is a different job. It’s the difference between “I wouldn’t mind” and “I’ve thought about this and here’s how I show up for you.” That second one is what people are actually out there looking for.
Start With Language, Not Hashtags
You asked what words people search for. I’ll be honest, I’m not a fan of tags like #samesexwedding. Ask yourself, would you ever use #straightwedding? No. So a tag that only exists to flag “the different kind” isn’t really inclusive, it’s othering, even with good intentions behind it.
What actually helps is non-gendered language running through your whole site, social media and enquiry process. So instead of “brides and grooms,” you’d write “couples.” Instead of “her dress, his suit,” you’d write “your outfit”, instead of “bridal prep” you’d put “wedding prep”.
Stephanie Dreams, a queer wedding photographer in our community, posted about this in the group recently, and her starting point was simple: check every bit of your language is non-gendered before you add anything else.
One of my mentoring students was positive she was doing this all right but had spaces for ‘Your Name’ and Your Fiancรฉ’s Name’ on her contact form, not realising that fiancรฉ is gendered as male and fiancรฉe is female. So it’s super easy to slip up and send the wrong signal.
Say It, Don’t Just Imply It
Terms like “LGBTQ+ inclusive,” “LGBTQ+ friendly” and “inclusive wedding photographer” are what people actually search for and land on with relief. Say it plainly on your homepage, your about page and your enquiry form, not just tucked away on one blog post. And displaying your own pronouns, in your social media bio, on your about page does two jobs at once. It tells queer couples you’ve thought about this, and it normalises pronoun sharing for every couple who enquires, not just the ones who need it.
A simple line in your enquiry form or welcome email does a lot of work:
“I’m Anna (she/her), and I’m a wedding photographer who works with all couples exactly as they are. If you’d like to share your pronouns or anything else that would help me get your day right, there’s space below.”
Even just having a space in your contact form for pronouns can send a very positive message.
Learn From People Who Live This
This is the bit I’d push you hardest on. Being an ally means learning from queer photographers directly, not just deciding for yourself what inclusive language sounds like. Follow queer wedding photographers and actually watch how they talk about their couples, their marketing, their enquiry replies. Esmรฉ Whiteside and Stephanie Dreams are two brilliant gay photographers in our community, both running their own inclusive styled shoot workshops, and both speaking from lived experience rather than theory. That’s worth more than anything I can tell you secondhand.
If you want something structured, Rebel Love run a short, affordable online class on being a more LGBTQ+ inclusive wedding supplier, for about the price of a coffee, covering language, marketing and the small assumptions that creep into enquiry replies without anyone noticing they’re there. Honey and the Moon, a Northern Irish photography team, have also written a genuinely useful piece on making every couple feel seen from the first message onward, well worth reading even if you think your business already has this covered.
And closer to home, we have LGBTQ+ Inclusivity and Running an Inclusive Business classes at The Barn, because this question comes up again and again, and photographers keep asking where to start.
Don’t Take Work From Your Queer Peers
One more thing, and I think it matters as much as the language does. As you build this side of your business, be careful not to take work away from your queer colleagues.
Where you can, raise them up instead, like and comment on their posts, refer couples their way, recommend their workshops, and support them in any way you can.
Queer couples often actively want a queer photographer, and that’s a completely valid choice that has nothing to do with your ability. Being a good ally sometimes means stepping back and pointing sideways, not just forwards.
THE TAKEAWAY
Enjoying those first two shoots was step one. Actually being a safe space means your language, your marketing and your enquiry process all say so before anyone has to ask. Drop the hashtags that “other” couples, use only non-gendered language everywhere, share your own pronouns, and go and learn directly from queer photographers rather than guessing something like this. Good intention is the main thing you need and I can tell that you have that as you’ve taken time to write to me about this.
Keep showing your work with LGBTQ+ people, and if you wish to add to your portfolio, consider either joining a shoot workshop hosted by a gay photographer or booking a model couple yourself and properly compensating them for the privilege.
PLEASE NOTE: THE IMAGES IN THIS POST DO NOT REPRESENT ANYONE MENTIONED
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