I’ve Been Dropped As The Wedding Photographer: Dear Devlin
DEAR DEVLIN
I’ve Been Dropped As The Wedding Photographer
Dear Devlin,
Well, it’s finally my turn to write to you. This year, I’ve had three weddings canceled, or more precisely, I’ve been canceled. The weddings themselves happened, beautifully, just without me. Each situation was different, but there’s one common thread: me.
And the deeper that realization sinks in, the heavier it becomes. I’m struggling. The depression and sense of despair are growing stronger every day.
The first couple canceled on me a few months before their wedding. We had a signed contract, a detailed brief, and a €100 deposit – which, apparently, didn’t mean much if they could just walk away that easily. The bride was a well-known actress, and the groom an Olympic athlete. Our communication was lovely, warm, exciting. Then she sent me a beautifully written message saying the wedding was canceled, which turned out to be untrue. They hired another photographer, one who charges three times more than I do and works in a completely different style. I tend toward clean, elegant, light tones; his work is dark, heavy, chocolate-coloured.
The second couple, they had some doubts from the beginning. They even asked me whether all the photos on my website were truly mine, which was a strange and hurtful thing to hear. I tried to reassure them, and I thought I had. But a month before their wedding, they wrote to say they had reviewed my portfolio again and decided it wasn’t the style they were looking for. They went with another photographer again, twice my price, and again, with a much darker and moodier aesthetic.
And now the third. We had such a good connection. I even shot their civil ceremony – the photos turned out beautifully. Several wedding blogs wanted to publish them. The bride herself shared nearly all of them on Instagram and received thousands of loving comments. The wedding is in ten days, and I’ve sent her three messages already, no reply. I don’t even know if I’m still their photographer.
This breaks my heart. I haven’t been sleeping. I’m constantly questioning myself what’s wrong with me? Why is this happening?
I’ve been a wedding photographer for 16 years. Three years ago, I moved to Ireland because of the war in Ukraine and started from scratch. My pricing is far below average here (€1800 for 12 hours), even though back home, I was among the top photographers. My English isn’t perfect, but I have so much experience- I truly believed that would carry me through.
Maybe it’s cultural differences, maybe it’s me not picking up on certain cues. Sometimes clients seem happy, and then they disappear – or choose someone with a completely different style.
I feel lost. I don’t know which direction to go anymore.
Paranoid from Dublin
“When people don’t give us answers, we start inventing our own and usually, they’re harsher than reality.
Dear Paranoid From Dublin,
Thank you for writing in. First of all, I want to acknowledge the depth of what you’re going through, not just the cancellations, but the emotional toll that’s come with them. It’s clear that you’re someone who cares deeply about your work and your clients, and that alone speaks volumes.
Let’s talk about this particular kind of wedding photography cancellation, where the wedding goes ahead, but without you. They sting. It feels personal, especially when they come without a clear explanation. As sole traders, we put so much of ourselves into our businesses that when something goes wrong, it can feel like a direct hit to our self-worth. And when you work in such a relationship-driven industry, it’s incredibly hard to separate professional disappointment from personal rejection.
You say three cancellations, but the real emotional weight seems to come from the first two. In both of those cases, you were left with no clarity and no closure. That lack of information can be the most damaging part, because it feeds paranoia and insecurity. When people don’t give us answers, we start inventing our own and usually, they’re harsher than reality.
It also sounds like what’s hitting hardest is that the couples went with photographers charging more than you and with completely different styles. That suggests this isn’t about you being “worse” it’s likely about them wanting something different. Not better. Just different. That’s hard to hear, but it’s also helpful to know.
As for the third couple, everything you’ve shared about them suggests they were delighted with your work. The photos were celebrated, shared widely, and even featured on blogs. That sounds like a happy client. Their silence now likely has less to do with you, and more to do with the general chaos of the final days before a wedding. I’ve had couples go totally off grid in the week leading up to their big day, not because of doubts, but because they’re overwhelmed. And the fact that they’ve already worked with you means they trust you, the silence is most likely just temporary.
Let’s zoom out a little. You rebuilt your business from scratch in a new country after fleeing war. That’s something most people can’t even imagine doing and you did it. You’re still doing it. That alone is a testament to your strength, your talent, and your drive.
But I know that doesn’t erase the current pain. You’re in a spiral, and I want to help you climb out.
Start by recognising the spiral.
You’ve had a few knocks, and now every new quiet client or slow week starts to feel like a sign that your business is failing. This is your nervous system protecting you, but it’s not always telling the truth.
Shift the narrative.
What if you replaced focusing on what bad things could happen and pictured what’s the best that could happen? What if the third couple are just busy planning a beautiful celebration that you’ll photograph brilliantly? What if the cancellations, as painful as they are, actually saved you from shooting weddings that weren’t aligned with your style or values? Those could easily have evolved into negative reviews, and none of us want those.
What if this is a sign to get crystal clear on your brand, your voice, your pricing, and your worth?
When experiencing a mental spiral, which is hugely understandable, shifting focus from potential negative outcomes to potential positive ones can be a helpful strategy to manage anxiety and improve mood. This involves actively challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with more optimistic perspectives. It won’t fix everything overnight, but it can give your mind some breathing room.
Take care of your physical and emotional well-being.
When sleep is elusive and thoughts are spiralling, ask yourself: “Is there anything I can do about this in the middle of the night?” If the answer is no, try to shelve the worry until morning. I use this trick myself, and while it might sound simple, it can help break that destructive 3am loop. Everything feels so much harder when you’re exhausted.
Get real with your pricing.
Let’s have a frank talk about your rates. €1800 for 12 hours? That seems low for your experience level, especially given the amount of time, effort and skill involved in full-day wedding coverage. Undercharging can do two things: it puts you in front of the wrong audience, people who book low and then jump ship for a ‘better’ option and it can erode your confidence.
As part of a pricing review, I’d recommend raising your booking fee and making it clear that this is non-refundable. This discourages ‘casual bookers’ who aren’t truly committed. You also need a clear cancellation policy to protect you going forward. My own contract states that if the cancellation is within 180 days of the wedding date, there is financial compensation for the loss of earnings. I’ve yet to enforce it, but just having it there sets boundaries and helps avoid situations like this one.
Remember how much you’ve already survived.
You’ve been through more challenges than most and you are still standing, still caring about doing your best and creating good experiences for your couples. The direction you need to take now is building on that and on your happy customers.
Focus on what’s working.
Ask past clients for testimonials. Post them on your website, on your social media, and in replies to new enquiries.
You’ve delivered images people loved. Use those in your marketing. Curate your portfolio around the work you want to be booked for. Focus on attracting more of the right couples, not trying to please everyone.
You might want to consider whether there’s any disconnect between your pricing, your visuals, and your messaging. You mentioned that the photographers who replaced you were more expensive and had a different style – that’s worth unpacking. Are you marketing in a way that reflects your expertise and experience? Are you confident in your communications? These are things you can tweak.
None of this is insurmountable. You’re not broken. You’re just navigating an emotional low point in an industry that’s always evolving
CAN I HELP WITH YOUR
PROBLEM?
Drop me a note with any industry issue that you might have and I will do my best to offer up some advice.
After a couple of decades as a wedding photographer, the chances are high that I will have some experience that might be relevant or have some insight into what your best course of action could be
The process is 100% anonymous, so feel free to share whatever is on your mind currently and know that this is a safe place.
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